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Budapest is chapter seven. Avengers events from chapter ten to fourteen.
NOTE: This chapter has medical talk that I mostly made up because research is for people who don’t have to get up and go to work in the morning. There is also brief mention of soft-core drug use, and masturbation. This chapter is mostly what Clint is going through with the procedure. Also for those wondering about the brief hint of Bruce/Tony’s relationship in the previous chapter, they’re a couple in my world, but its not really part of the story and wont be, so no need to worry. Enjoy!
summary: Bruce examines Clint before they start intentionally irradiating him to get the radiation from Loki and the Tesseract out. He’s got some questions about the permanent effects of the treatment. Prompting an uncomfortable procedure, and serious talks with Bruce.
The warm hands poked and prodded him, he followed the commands the familiar but far away voice gave him. Breathe in, breathe out. Cough. Follow my pen. Touch your finger to your nose.
“Do you have any questions before we start?” Bruce asked, it took a moment for Clint to register the question.
“Is it confidential, or are you going to tell Natasha?”
“Of course it’s confidential, only if you want me to tell her will she know. Unless she can hack Tony’s computer system.” Clint gave him an unsure look. “She can’t, I promise. I can’t even.”
The archer sighed. He looked down at his bare arms and legs, the muscles there are going to start withering quickly, the doctor said. He ran his hand nervously through his hair, that will probably be gone soon too they’d said. He’d taken a long run this morning, not knowing when the next opportunity would be. “You said there would be organ damage?”
“Some, but between SHIELD’s advanced healing tech and Tony’s radiation bio-scrubbing system, there shouldn’t be much, if any, that will actually effect you long term.”
He looked down at his boxer briefs, shabby grey. He didn’t feel the need to wear nice boxers to get a physical, “What about my uh…huevos?”
“There will be a likely possibility of complete sterilization, but I noticed a vasectomy scar while I was uh, down there. So I figured it wasn’t really an issue, I should have brought it up anyways though, apologies.”
“It’s alright.” Sometimes he forgot he’d gotten one. He wouldn’t be surprised if Natasha had noticed the tiny scar sometime in the last six months. She’d never said anything to him. He knew about her IUD, but he’d kept his vasectomy to himself. He’d gotten it around the time she came to SHIELD, before his big series of flings. He’d never wanted children, he liked his job too much, didn’t want to be the kind of parent his father had been, didn’t want to leave an orphan. With a vasectomy he didn’t have to worry about that. And nowadays almost anything could be reversed, even that if he decidedly changed his mind. But Natasha made him think differently. He never regretted before he was with her, any time a condom broke or he forgot one, the only thing he’d have to work about was STI’s, and at that point he was to reckless to really care much. But then Natasha. The way she’d cradled that child against her, against the bullets in Budapest. The way she hummed as she did housework. The way she made him pancakes for dinner when he was sad. He’d catch himself thinking about the way her stomach would look heavy with child as she balanced a weapon she was cleaning on top of the pronounced bump. Or about how the southwest facing guest bedroom, looking over the fields and forests behind them would be perfect for a nursery. Something to give them a reason to stop throwing themselves into the most dangerous things. A loveable insurance plan. But Natasha would never allow herself to dream like that. He knew it was near the top of her list of fears. “Is there any way we could, uh, you know, save some? Just in case…”
“well with the vasectomy it’ll be kind of invasive and not that comfortable, since we’ll have to extract mature sperm from your vas deferens.”
“It’s not like this whole thing can really get more uncomfortable or worse, Bruce.”
The doctor looked away guiltily, “yeah, I’m really sorry.”
“No, I’m being an asshole. Thank you, man. Really. It’s just scary I guess. Knowing you’ll become a shell of yourself, something weaker and more defenseless than you’ve ever been. Just to fix yourself. And it might not even work.”
“We’ll find something, Clint. And you know the team is here for you. Steve said he’d start coming by to help you with physical therapy if you want. I know you probably want Nata—“
“No, I want Steve. I love Nat, don’t get me wrong. But this is hard enough on her, and this hasn’t really been a positive stroke in our marriage, things have been a little rocky lately. I don’t want to burden her with trying to fix me completely. Besides, Steve is a cool guy.”
“She seemed a little…Off. Hopefully fixing this will help.”
“I just can’t go near her.”
Bruce sat down, he was turning out to be many kinds of doctors. He wasn’t a therapist, but he was a good listener. Clint realized he never really had a chance to talk to anyone. And now Coulson was retired with no contact allowed, so he really had no one. “Why not?”
“I’m afraid I’ll hurt her. You know about the nightmares and stuff?” the dark haired man nodded. “They’re just Loki’s voice, telling me to do horrible things. Sometimes it’s telling me to hurt her in ways and make me sick to my stomach to even think about, let alone think about happening to someone I love. I couldn’t live with myself if I let anything happen to her, if I did anything to her.”
“But you can overcome these urges; you’ve been doing it for weeks.”
“But what if I can’t? What if I stop being able to? As long as that snake is in my brainpan writhing around, I pose a risk to Natasha, and that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.” He looked determined, he looked mad, he looked desperate.
“Clint, we’ll get through this okay. I know we’re not real close or anything, any of us, but we’re all here for you. I mean did you see the get well present Thor sent you?”
“I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do with a whole hog carcass,” he laughed.
“Hell if I know! Roast it maybe? The gesture was nice,” he laughed back.
“It was. Thor’s a good man. Got some family issues, but don’t we all.”
“And Tony is more than happy to help with treatment, as am I. and Steve is going to help with recovery. Natasha and I are actually pretty close friends,” a look of disbelief and mild panic struck his patient’s face “don’t worry, I’ll keep your secrets to myself,” he smiled. “Thor is bringing Jane with him back to New York, I know she’s not really a girly girl, but it might be nice to have real female company. Even Fury and Hill have reached out to her. Neither of you are alone, we’re all here for you. I said before, you weren’t there, but I said that we were closer to a time bomb than a team, but after Loki and the Chitauri, we’re more like a family. An over powered family filled with egomaniacs, but a family none the less. If it were Tony, or even Jane, we’d all be there for whoever. I know you an Natasha live in kind of your own little world, I definitely understand, but you’re never without support.”
“God I’m going to get misty eyed if you keep talking, doc,” he teased, a genuine smile spread across his face. “But thank you. I appreciate it, and I know Nat does too. But you know what also family does?”
“Share some of their big bag of weed after I get dosed with a fuck-ton of radiation,” he chuckled.
Bruce laughed too, “fair enough. Tony and I have some medical strains we grow for ourselves.”
“Fury doesn’t care?”
“As long as we only do it on scheduled no mission down time, he couldn’t care less.”
“You guys really do have all the best stuff.”
“We try,” Bruce shrugged.
“Well thank you in advance.”
“Not a problem.”
There was an awkward lull, but Clint felt a little more at ease.
“So should we get the semen sample from you? We can cryogenically freeze it on site here. Should you ever need or want it, it’ll be good as new.”
“Yeah, sure. What’s the procedure?”
The doctor let out a small nervous laugh, “Well it’s going to be more than a little awkward, and a good portion uncomfortable.”
“Right, right. Went over that. What do I have to do?”
“Get yourself almost to completion, then I come in with an ultrasound, localized anesthetic, and a syringe.”
“YOU’RE GOING TO STICK A NEEDLE IN MY—“
“No! No,” Bruce stood up and pointed to a spot low on his torso, near the joint of his hip and pelvis, “vas deferens are the equivilant to a woman’s fallopian tubes, instead of carrying the egg to the uterus, they carry the sperm and seminal fluid to the penis. Since you had a vasectomy, the vas deferens was clipped and cauterized, so instead of going out of the body, they just kind of hang out in there and dissolve, they clip it before the prostate though, which is why you still have ejaculate, its seminal fluid without sperm.”
“Bodies are weird.”
“But pretty amazing. Anyways, it’ll just feel like a pressure and a pinch, it wont hurt. Having a needle that close to your junk when you just want to come isn’t anyone’s idea of fun though.”
“I’ll say,” he huffed. “But yeah. So uh, should I just, uh, text you when I’m close?”
Bruce laughed, “Yeah, I suppose that way I can go get the stuff and not awkwardly wait outside the door. Do you uh, need anything?”
The archer blushed, “Uh, no I’m good. And please don’t tell Nat, about the saving semen thing nor about the having another man with his hands on me so near to completion.”
“It’ll be our little secret awkward medical procedure. Really, its not a big deal to me. I’m a doctor.”
“Well I’m not,” he laughed awkwardly.
“Right, we’ll just text me!” the doctor called out as he left.
Clint sat alone in the exam room. It was like any other exam room he’d ever been in his life. Plenty at SHIELD and Marine bases. He’d never had to masturbate in one. If he had a bucket list, he could cross this off the list he guessed.
Right, I’m supposed to be masturbating he reminded himself. Somehow trying to force it was harder than he’d thought it would be. Maybe he could call Natasha. No, because then she’d ask questions. Natasha. Beautiful, perfect Natasha. Those lips, those hips, those hands. The way she bit her lip when she was turned on, her clear blue eyes clouded with lust and need. He grabbed a bottle of lotion on the desk and slicked his hand before he began to stroke. He missed the feel of her pale skin under his finger tips. No matter how long she spent in the sun, she was a perfect shade of ivory everywhere. She had a freckle right above her public bone, he’d kiss it on his way down to taste her. He missed the scent of her arousal, the taste of her wet in his mouth, the feel of her fleshy hips bucking back into his hands, hips, and mouth. It had only been six weeks, but any time without Natasha felt like years. Especially how things had gotten so tense between them. He wanted to fuck the tension away. Hot, angry, rough sex until they were both sore and bruised. He wanted to kiss the bruises on her thighs the next morning. To feel her soothing kisses on the rope burn on his wrists, it was almost better than being tied up as she rode him, letting the tension in both of them build to almost unbearable heights.
Speaking of tension.
He wiped his hand off on the sheet and texted Bruce, “time to come back (no pun intended),” before covering himself up. He looked at the comically pitched sheet over his dick, stained with lotion and precum. He held himself down to make himself feel a little less awkward, truthfully he just wanted to cum now. There was a knock on the door. “Come in.”
The doctor wheeled a small portable ultrasound in, the tray attached held a long needle, a vacuum tube, and a small syringe of what looked to be pain killers. “You can keep the sheet over your member, but I need access to pretty much everything else, just hold your penis out of the way please,” he said as if he were ordering coffee.
“I—uh-yeah—yeah, okay.” He did as he was commended, but looked at the wall, trying to study the generic picture of central park closely as to avoid eye contact. There was pressure as the warm, goop covered ultrasound wand searched for their target. He felt the cool wetness of an alcohol swab and a small pinch before he felt nothing in his hip and pelvis at all. Cumming is going to be really boring now, was the only thought pushing through his head as he focused really intently on the ducks in the pond in the picture.
“Deep breath,” Bruce prompted, “Now exhale.” On the exhale he felt a deep reaching pinch and an unpleasant twitch in his cock, which had begun deflating. He wasn’t even going to get to cum, great. There was a vague tugging sensation. “All done!” Could he finish now? “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”
“Less weird than I expected.”
“It usually is. I’ll let you get cleaned up, label this, and put this in the freezer. When you’re done, just meet me in the radio-ward and we’ll start your first round of treatment. You know how to get there?”
“Yeah,” he was impatient to get back to his thoughts of Natasha. Just the idea of her had the blood flowing again.
“okay!” the door clicked shut.
He rapidly stroked, replaying the memory of his red headed wife moaning his name. The pressure rebuilding in his belly. He peaked with his head thrown back on the hospital pillow as he panted out her name like a mantra.
He cleaned himself up, put on the sweats that would have to be tossed out in mere hours, contaminated (actually Tony wanted to test de-radating fabrics, so they’d be of use still, just not to Clint), and zipped up his favorite hoodie. He wasn’t wearing shoes. He hated shoes. They were still in Avengers (formerly Stark) Tower, so he thought it pointless. He shut off the light in the room as some of the fleet of robots whirred down the hall to begin cleaning and sterilizing the room. He turned the corner to begin going to the radio-ward, where they housed the radioactive experiments and equipment. He was an experiment. Natasha was leaned against the wall. She smiled sadly at him, “hey.”
He grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. The first time he’d kissed her like that in a long time. He could feel the surprise in her features, but she kissed back. He smiled into the kiss, “hello.” After the kiss broke, he reached down to hold her hand, “are you coming with me?”
“Till the very end.”